God Reads Mean Comments From Angry Religious People

, , 100 Comments


[MUSIC – LUDWIG VAN
BEETHOVEN, “SYMPHONY NO. 9] [SINGING IN GERMAN] Hello, humans. I’m God. Welcome to The God Show. Please like, comment,
and subscribe. Thank you. OK, and now it’s time for the
mother [BLEEP] me-damn news. [MUSIC PLAYING] Wait, what the [BLEEP]? [BLEEP] What happened to all my [BLEEP]? Where did all my [BLEEP] go? Holy [BLEEP] [BLEEP]. Why am I being bleeped
all of a sudden? Who is [BLEEP] bleeping God? Hey, dad, can we try
something this week? Can you try to
not curse so much? Curse words make my ears bleed. Please? Ugh, Jesus Christ, it was you. [GROANS] OK. This week in the bad news, as
usual, everything is insane and everyone is ff– freaking out. But in the good news,
you’re still alive. Yay. Yay. Ah ha. Yay for that. [MUSIC – GEORGE FRIDERIC HANDEL,
“HALLELUJAH CHORUS”] (SINGING) Hallelujah. Also, um, uh, aren’t
dogs just amazing? Don’t you just love them? They are my proudest
creation, which is why dog is just God backwards. [CHUCKLING] I love doggies. How about cats, huh? [MEOWING] Cats– also good. I love kitties too. OK, enough of the news. Let’s uh– let’s do something
different this week, Jesus. Mm. Let’s open up that damn
mailbag and finally read some thoughts and prayers. What do we got, Jesus? So Dorothy has a complaint. She says “please tell me how
to delete this entire video and block any that that are
sent to me with the God Comedian cartoons!” [LAUGHS] How about no? [LAUGHS] Figuring out how to not look
at things on the internet is your responsibility, OK? If you can’t figure it
out yourself, I’m sorry. You’re just too
stupid to internet. Well, she got stupider. Dorothy said, “unsubscribe me! I resent your view of
religion of any kind. Delete my address
from your list. I don’t like your sense
of so-called humor. Thank you.” [LAUGHS] Again, Dorothy– Ugh. –for forks sake, this
is the internet, OK? You gotta unsubscribe
from your own stuff. It’s not my job. It’s not my freaking job. I’m God, OK? I got enough God-related
stuff to handle as it is. Oh, come on, dad. She said thank you. Yeah, you’re right. She did say thank you, but only
because she needs something from me. Mm. She’s like, unsub. I resent your views. I don’t like your
sense of humor. Basically, I hate
your guts, but please take care of that thing for me. Thanks. [LAUGHS] Yeah, she
genuinely dislikes you at a fundamental level. This is just like
that time you got abandoned by the Israelites. [DRAMATIC MUSIC] Me dammit. Let’s get to the next comment. Donna is not happy with the
direction of your content, God. She says, “you are one
screwed up piece of work. Saw your page, you sick freak.” Oh, no. You saw my page, and your
mind exploded with rage. Sorry. Donna seems pretty mad, Dad. Oh, no. It’s entirely her choice
to be that mad about it. [THUNDER CLAPPING] [ORGAN PLAYING] Besides, I’m not a screwed
up piece of work, OK? I’m fine. I have weekly sessions with all
the best shrinks from history. They all say I’m
totally sane, and this is all normal and good. You’re a stable genius. Yeah. Yeah. OK, let’s move on. So Mike was not happy with our
interview with Abraham Lincoln. He said “Abe Lincoln would
not talk to you, lol. He would just drown your
commie ass via waterboarding.” Ugh. And I see that you
responded with “you’re thinking of George W. Bush.” [CHUCKLES] Ha ha. You murdered him. God, I thought you said
thou shall not kill. Yeah, I owned him, didn’t I? I mean, what the heck, Mike? Abe Lincoln did not drown me. Jesus, did he drown you? No. I went the whole episode
without getting killed. Yeah, congrats on
that, by the way. I mean– Thanks. –it seemed like we had
a perfect interview. It was perfect and good. And Abe really is
disgusted by Trump. [MUSIC – WILLIAM STEFFE, “THE
BATTLE HYMN OF THE REPUBLIC”] It kind of pisses
me the fuck off. Yes. I know things were messed up
in my days, but holy crap. They went and made Mad
King George the president. Good job, a-holes. But he did want
everyone to get along. Do not choose violence. You are not enemies,
but friends. Remain dedicated
to the proposition which was true in my time,
just as it’s true today. Be excellent to each
other and party on, dudes. See? Abe Lincoln is cool. Don’t call me a commie, OK? That comment is so
unoriginal and cringe. Ugh. Jesus and I are not commies, OK? I’m a strict monarchist. And Jesus– Jesus is a
democratic socialist. Yeah. Next comment. So Ian says, “this page is
bad, and you should feel bad.” [CHUCKLES] I liked your reply, God. “And yet here you are lol.” Yeah, I mean, if
the page is so bad, then why is he here
making comments the second that I post? Yeah. Because, you know,
I collect these within like five
minutes of posting. [LAUGHS] But yeah, he loves it. He checks the page
every day, constantly, just waiting for me to
post so he can comment. He thinks about
me in his dreams. [MUSIC PLAYING] SpartanMike said to
you, “congratulations, you have won the ‘this
video gave me cancer’ award. Jackass.” OK, well, thanks for the
constructive feedback, SpartanMike. My video gave you cancer– good. Great. I’m glad. I mean, as God,
technically, I have to give it to someone, right? Uh, you do? Uh, moving on. OK. Anthony says, “hey, Jew,
God will not be mocked, remember that!” Wha– What? He’s an anti-Semite What
is he talking about? Jesus, you’re Jewish. I sure am. Shabbat and shalom. OK, well, you know, I saw a lot
of other similar anti-Semitic comments that I
won’t share here. Apparently there are a lot
of bigots on the internet. Who know? Ha. Who knew? Well, Taylor said, “God does
not make YouTube videos. This is blasphemy
and someone claiming to be God to push their
personal, political ideas.” I don’t make YouTube videos? Ha. Well, she’s wrong. I mean, she made the comment
on one of my YouTube videos. Also, don’t tell me I can’t
make YouTube videos, OK? Because I’m making
one right now. Exactly. By the way, this is
not blasphemy, OK? I’m not claiming to be God. I am God. Jesus, have a little
faith, you know? Oh, I know. It’s so frustrating. Jesus Christ, were
there any nice comments? Oh, yeah. There were lots. [UPBEAT MUSIC] Woo. Yeah. All right, I like that. Sweet. I feel so loved. Thanks, humans. I love you all, really. Muah. [MUSIC PLAYING] Reminder– every other
episode of The God Show is a three-minute teaser. You can only listen to the full
episode by becoming a Patron Saint at patreon.com/thegodshow. You will miss every other
episode of The God Show unless you become
a Patron Saint. So become a Patron Saint today. The more Patron Saints,
the more content I can make– the more
animated characters, the more everything. We don’t see a dime of
that church money, folks. So help us out, motherfuckers. Please? Please? Please? Shout outs and welcome to
our newest Patron Saints, Katherine, Andrea, CJ,
Pilar, Steven, and Celeste. Thank you for your
support, Patron Saints. You make The God Show possible. OK, that’s all the
time I have for today. Woo. I gotta go lie down. Please like and
share this episode. Please? Thanks, humans. See you next time
on The God Show. [MUSIC – LUDWIG VAN
BEETHOVEN, “SYMPHONY NO. 9] [SINGING IN GERMAN]

 

100 Responses

  1. Floof The Bird

    October 17, 2019 2:35 am

    Don't worry God, I feel your pain. . .I wouldn't be able to go a full 10 minutes without swearing while talking bout the stuff you cover either.

    Reply
  2. Bud Waln

    October 17, 2019 2:44 am

    Glorious Content, GOD!! I'm happy that people are offended & triggered by Your "Stuffs"..Because, I LIKE IT when they DON'T LIKE IT!! πŸ¦…

    Reply
  3. CometTamer

    October 17, 2019 3:36 am

    "God doesnt make YouTube videos?" So what then, was she watching? You ROCK God and I hope to see you keep kicking butt and being epic.

    Reply
  4. Jerebear Panda

    October 17, 2019 3:55 am

    Daily humor, thats what the world needs. The people who are bashing this channel need to learn to lighten up and laugh at themselves sometimes.

    Reply
  5. Joshofalltrades Vanveen

    October 17, 2019 5:42 am

    Forgive me God, but all Trekkies in this world have been wondering the same thing for almost 40 years and perhaps you could enlighten us…
    What does God need with a Starship?

    Reply
  6. Susie Parker

    October 17, 2019 9:01 am

    I'm a patron saint, but I can't figure out how to get entire videos and other ones in the queue! Love your show, BTW! (Are you lifting weights or working out? You sure look like it. I just hope you're not taking anabolic steroids!)

    Reply
  7. San D

    October 17, 2019 9:52 am

    no… God can create his own damned money; you aren't getting mine(not that I have any) LOL. But I'll supply some watch time and a like just because. Took you long enough to get to YouTube. I'm just wondering when they will ban you here. They will try.

    Reply
  8. Freeyourmind

    October 17, 2019 10:29 am

    You don’t see a dime of that church money because your pastors keep using it to buy private jets, hookers, and blow.
    Tell em to knock it off, God.

    Reply
  9. Christine Snow

    October 17, 2019 1:04 pm

    Dad you are awesome! Smoking a bong with you, Snoop Dogg, and Mark Hamill would be an epic afternoon….just saying….

    Reply
  10. Andrea Clarke

    October 17, 2019 3:54 pm

    Yay! So glad to become a Patron Saint. I love your videos and You damn it, you ARE the only God that has ever existed and been seen and talks to us! Thanks for helping me believe. It's nice to know that you really do have a sense of humour! It explains a LOT! And shit, if this is the time you chose to reach out to us humans, it's a good time for it because the world is turning to shit. Thanks for being you. Loving your nice new avatar too.

    Reply
  11. Katherine Marsh

    October 17, 2019 10:38 pm

    I became a Patron Saint I Love you so much God and I Love your You Show πŸ™‚ I'm very happy You God gave me a shout out XO XO XO Sharing to Twitter πŸ™‚ Good night God Thank you very much God Good night Katherine

    Reply
  12. Rilriia Kilurden

    October 18, 2019 3:02 am

    You are a very dirty god… A very dirty and naughty god. Want to smite me with your naughtiness? I'll blaspheme just for you. bats eyelashes

    Reply
  13. Leslie S

    October 18, 2019 5:48 am

    You should have included the Stupid People and the Fucktards in the Beatitudes Jesus! The meek inherit the earth, the poor, hungry and mournful are blessed. What about the Fucktards?? That’s what these ppl are REALLY pissed about. Just saying πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™€οΈ

    Reply
  14. Ularker Martine

    October 18, 2019 6:47 am

    To God be the GloryπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚… Very original content

    Reply
  15. Lucius1958

    October 18, 2019 6:51 am

    Just joined the ranks of the Patron Saints. Hallelujah!
    (Now, **cough**: have You ever thought of making real-life furries? I mean, they couldn't be any worse than humans, right?)😸

    Reply
  16. A Grand canyon of no fucks to give

    October 18, 2019 7:17 am

    I had a bunch of fucks to give, but I gave too many, and now I have a grand canyon.

    Reply
  17. Simon Twycross

    October 18, 2019 11:03 am

    So you can create all of existence, the universe and everything but YouTube is beyond you? Religious folks are fucking mental. No wonder Jesus hasn't come back, they'd just kill him all over again cos they wouldn't believe him…

    Reply
  18. Chuck Kubin

    October 18, 2019 4:40 pm

    If self-righteous, self-centered, outraged peckerheads can have their say on social media, God can have it too. Big news: when we get to the center of the universe, you won't be there. So if you can't figure out how to avoid it, don't ask God to tell you how to figure it out. MORON!

    Reply
  19. Elle Wing

    October 19, 2019 3:20 pm

    Hey God! Why isn't your podcast called the Godcast? I feel strongly about this, but naturally, you are all knowing. Thanks. πŸ™‚β€

    Reply
  20. Paul Oakley

    October 19, 2019 9:25 pm

    Hi God, you’re awesome and I’m glad I finally found you online. I fuckn hate church so this option is much better.

    Please forgive my stealing and adultery. Also, would you mind making my dick bigger please?

    Reply
  21. quig66

    October 20, 2019 2:31 pm

    Clearly the viewers of these videos are not washed in the hot, sticky and coppery tasting blood of Jesus. Or are they…

    Reply
  22. Skeptic

    October 20, 2019 5:29 pm

    God, can I call you Dave? You sound like a Dave. I know a lot of Daves. And they’re also all awesome.

    Reply
  23. Grainne Kearney

    October 21, 2019 7:03 am

    Rock on God πŸ‘Š glad you're not letting the haters get you down πŸ––β€πŸŒˆπŸ‘

    Reply
  24. john smith

    October 21, 2019 3:59 pm

    I never fail to be pleased with everything you put out.. That kind of consistency of quality really speaks of a lot of hard work and dedication. Thank you for delivering entertaining and intellectual content, and helping us humans by clearing up some misconceptions for us. Much love <3

    Reply
  25. Tammy Alenduff

    October 21, 2019 6:23 pm

    Almost a 1,000 thumbs up and only 12 thumbs down. I'd say you're doing an AWESOME job!! Thanks from the bottom of my little Pagan heart !!

    Reply
  26. Eileen Reeger

    October 21, 2019 6:28 pm

    You are creeping me out God. My comments keep disappearing b4 I can send. .I'm sorry I said that about Jesus's sandals man. You can keep them Jesusβ€οΈπŸ‘
    And to make up for earlier blasphemy I'll pay the $5

    Reply
  27. Arthur Silver

    October 21, 2019 9:05 pm

    This is my first time watching and commenting: Your "idea" for the video is creative, but totally full of cheap attempts at humor that any wise ass 7th grader could come up with. Who ever is making this vid is obviously suffering from past hurts, and lashing out under the guise of sick humor. I won't be back here.

    Reply
  28. Ed Lane

    October 21, 2019 10:24 pm

    Two minutes of wasted unfunny, non-entertaining nonsense at the beginning. Too much time spent on retorts to 'Angry Christian Comments." We appreciate what you're trying to do, but let's face it, you are no Bill Maher by any stretch. Just get right to it and focus on facts.

    Reply
  29. ViezePresident

    October 22, 2019 8:05 am

    You are anti racism but you made god white. Dog is god backwards…yeah the whole world speaks English. Stupid americana.

    Reply
  30. Scott G. Jarnagin

    October 22, 2019 4:43 pm

    If God made humans in his image, why does God only have four fingers? Just a random observation. Love you God!! ^_^

    Reply
  31. James R Armstrong

    October 22, 2019 6:24 pm

    "God does not make YouTube videos." But by that logic, God doesn't write a book either… Shall we follow that to the logical conclusion?

    Reply
  32. Anthony Borderline

    October 24, 2019 9:19 am

    People hate the God? One of the best Gods ever, the best I hear some say, even perfect. Had a great letter with him, perfect letter. SAD. BTW Why all of the religions somehow read "thou shalt not kill(/murder in some translations), unless.."? There is no fine print, it's quite straight forward, Do NOT kill period, No unlesses or if's there.. Or is there God?

    Reply
  33. says cate

    October 25, 2019 6:46 am

    "God doesn't make YouTube videos"?!? WTF?? God makes e'rything!! Does that person even know how god works?

    Reply

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