Core Beliefs: How changing your core beliefs can help get your life back

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I want to tell you the story of how I
got my life back. Several years ago I was in a bad situation and someone used that
situation to take advantage of me. Like a child feeling scared or hurt, I figured
the emotional pain would go away with time, but I was wrong. Feelings of anxiety and doubt filled my body. Shame became an unloving companion.
Before long I could only see myself as broken, flawed, unlovable, and not worth
the time or attention of anyone else. It was as if my chest was being squeezed while my body went numb. I started cutting and sneaking out. Lies became a weekly and then a daily way of coping. When my parents found out I was lying and cutting, they grounded me – showed me the error of my ways. They took away my keys, cut me off from my friends so I would learn. But it didn’t help. I could no longer hide what I was
doing on the outside so I began to hide away on the inside. Disagreements turned
to arguments, arguments turned into fights and like a hammer driving a wedge
through stone, I emotionally detached from my parents, and then myself. Their disappointment turned to fear as they realized that they wouldn’t win this
battle alone. They looked long and hard for answers
while always keeping one eye open to guard against the next fight, runaway,
suicide attempt, or emergency room visit. In time they found a place where I could
be safe and out of the crushing world was in… a place where we learned as a
family to change. My false core issue of being broken, flawed and unlovable was
slowly replaced with a greater core meaning. I was not what was done to me. I was not cutting. I was not my lies. I was not unlovable, but I was worth being loved….and I could give love. I was powerful and could influence change in my life and the lives of those I loved. As my core
meaning grew and shaped, so did my parents. We could feel the change in
each other. The work was long and hard at first, but eventually I began to feel safe expressing my emotions and thoughts to my parents, explaining what had happened to me and what had been happening to me ever since.
Instead of disappointment and disgust they showed empathy. Instead of punishing, they listened. Slowly I felt the connection return that I hadn’t felt
in such a long time. I felt life coming back to me, almost like color coming
back to my skin. The way we spoke changed. The very content changed. No more of my screaming rants followed by parental threats. When we spoke, we spoke from our
new core. Not a place of false belief and shame, but of innate value and worth, both for ourselves and each other. Boundaries had to be set at first, yes.
But those boundaries were set with both of us on the same team looking for a
win-win. I saw my parents rules and boundaries through their new core and
the love they had for me. They saw my desire to become more
independent as an opportunity to trust and validate the person I was becoming. It took time but one day I stood in
front of the mirror and saw a face I hadn’t seen in years. And it was smiling back at me. I
realized, I was back

 

One Response

  1. newhavenrtc

    February 7, 2019 8:15 pm

    The core belief we have about yourself is the primary driving force in our behavior and how we perceive relationships with others. Have you ever experienced a shift in your core beliefs? What changes did you see in your own behavior and in your relationships with those closest to you?

    Reply

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