A World Without Christmas #403 (Meet The LadyBugs! – Ep. 3 Season 4 by Dorothy Wallace)

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♫ Meet the LadyBugs ♫ (Christmas version “Meet the LadyBugs”) – Well that’s the last of it. Thanks so much for helping me and Condee put up our Christmas decorations. – Any time Adalia. It’ll provide a nice backdrop for our Bugwood Commons Christmas concert
and tree lighting tonight. (doorbell) (Adalia gasps)
– What’s that, Mommy? – It’s from the Bugwood
Commons Board of Directors. They want me to take down
the Christmas decorations. It’s against the Community rules
to display religious items, and there’s a $200 fine. – But it took us three hours
to assemble that Nativity set! – And any mention of Christmas, including saying “Merry
Christmas,” on the premises of Bugwood Commons will result in a $400 fine and possible eviction! – This political correctness
has gone too far. We’re holding a free
Christmas concert here for the community and
this is how they treat us? – We better call Nelli and let her know. She and Kati are having
lunch with Tony today to celebrate their engagement. He feels bad about calling
the LGBT Community, “Lesbians Against Drunk Driving.” – Well. I’m going to fight this. It’s discrimination! – Don’t worry ladies. We’re The LadyBugs. If anyone can save Christmas, we can! ♫ Meet the LadyBugs ♫ – Tony, thanks for taking Kati and me out to celebrate our engagement. My soup is delicious. – Yes, thank you Tony. – You’re very welcome. The food here is great, and
the prices are very reasonable. I thought it would be a nice
place to celebrate your… (chuckles) alternative marriage. – To tell you the truth, we thought you didn’t approve of our relationship. – Well, you might find
this hard to believe, but there was a time when I was very intolerant of you people. It was back in the 80’s when I was singing with a doo wop group. I went to the mall to
buy a new silk shirt, and I had to walk past
the perfume counters to get to the menswear… (coughs) Hey, watch it with that stuff. You damn fruit. (coughs) I don’t want any
perfume, you damn sissy. (coughs) Leave me alone. These damn gays are everywhere. (coughs repeatedly) Stop! Get me outta here! I wanna live in a world without gays! (coughs) Please, God, let me
live in a world without gays! (thunder claps) – Oh my God. (coughs twice) What the hell is this? – Hey, you’re Joan Rivers. I’m a big fan. What happened to your hair? – Tony, what do you mean
what happened to my hair? You wished for a world without gays, and God granted your wish. My hairdresser was never born! And look at this dress. I look like an Amish prom queen! – Huh? What do you mean? Why is my house beige? – Oh Tony, grow up! This is a world without gays. There are no interior designers. This place has as much
culture as Jamie Lee Curtis’s bowels before she started taking Activia! – But this room used to be red. – Tony, can we talk? Red? RED? This room is as red as
Margaret Thatcher’s tampon! – Someone must be playing some
kind of practical joke on me. I don’t have time for this. I’m taking my lady out to a
Broadway show next weekend, and I have to go pick up the tickets. Where are my car keys? – Tony. I’m in charge of transportation. Come on!
(laser zap) – Ahhhhh! Hey, wait a minute. I said I needed to get to the
theater to buy those tickets. Where are we? – Tony, don’t you see! We’re in the right place,
but there’s no theater here. You wished for a world without gays, and God granted your wish. There are no Broadway theaters because Stephen Sondheim was never born. It’s just… – What? That can’t be. – Yes it can! This is
a world without gays. Got it? The only standing ovation in
this place lasts five seconds and makes your shoes stick to the floor! I mean, Tony, let’s get out of here. I’m depressed. My hair is as limp and
as saggy as my boyfriend the first time he saw me naked. Come on Tony. Where do
you need to go next? – Well, I have some sconces
to pick up at Pottery Barn. – (laughs) Pottery Barn? Okay, you asked for it. – What? Where’s Pottery Barn? Where did all these homeless
handicapped kids come from? – Listen up, Tony. I told you this is a world without gays! There is no Pottery Barn. All these handicapped kids are homeless because no lesbians
were born to adopt them. Get it? – I must be dreaming. You’re not real. None of this is real. – It is real Tony! You wished for a world without gays, and God granted your wish. She wanted you to learn to
look for the good in people instead of always being so negative. Damn it. I hate negative people! – She? God’s a chick? – It doesn’t matter. This world without gays
is a horrible place. Oh poor Liza Minnelli. She hasn’t had a date in 30 years! I mean…
– [Tony] I don’t know. I’m confused. I need a cup of coffee. – Oh, Tony, Tony, Tony. Okay. Let’s go. – That’ll be 50 pence. – What 50 cents?
– [Woman] 50 pence. – What is this? Monopoly money? – No Tony. It’s money. British money! Baron Von Steuben, the Inspector General of the
Continental Army, was gay. This is a world without
gays, so he was never born! I mean we lost the Revolutionary War! We’re still under British rule! This is just terrible! Oh, please! – Oh my God! No! Take me back. Clarence, I mean Joan,
please take me back! (thunder claps) – Oh, finally! Thank God! – And that’s how I became
the sensitive guy I am today. – Wow, Tony, that was a great story. Joan Rivers saved the day. – And it’s so interesting
that you met her ghost back in the 80’s when she
only died very recently. – Yep. Now I notice the good
qualities of different groups of people instead of wishing them away. – Your check sir. – (chuckles) Now if only
we could do something about all these Mexicans. (thunder claps) Five hundred dollars! – Oh brother. He just wished us into a
world without Mexicans! ♫ Meet the LadyBugs ♫ – As President of the
Board of Bugwood Commons, I’m here to tell you The LadyBugs concert has been cancelled. It is a violation of the
community rules of Bugwood Commons to display any religious
symbols and mention Chri— and to mention any holidays, because we don’t want
people who don’t celebrate the same holidays or follow
the same religions to feel bad. As an atheist, I feel
bad watching other people exchange gifts and singing
Chri—and singing. So there will be no concert and no lighting of the Chr—of the tree. So go home. Please disperse. – Now I’ll never get to see The LadyBugs. – [All] Look! It’s The LadyBugs. – [Woman] It’s the LadyBugs. (“It’s Okay to Say Merry Christmas”) ♫ It’s okay to say Merry Christmas ♫ It’s boring to say Happy Holidays ♫ Don’t be such a Scrooge ♫ You should be in a good mood ♫ You don’t have to be religious ♫ To enjoy our Christmas food ♫ You don’t have to
roll your eyes at Santa ♫ Or preach to us about hypocrisy ♫ Don’t make such a fuss ♫ We’ll still do what we must ♫ Sing Merry Merry Merry Merry Christmas ♫ Merry Merry Merry Merry Christmas ♫ Snow is falling ♫ It’s time to be optimistic ♫ No need for name calling ♫ Or being antagonistic ♫ It’s okay to say Merry Christmas ♫ Its boring to say Happy Holidays ♫ Buddhist, Sikh or Jew ♫ Confucius might ring true ♫ You can say Namaste ♫ And then say Merry Christmas too ♫ It’s beautiful to
hug a tree on Earth Day ♫ And Tao Te Ching might
help you find the way ♫ Whatever faith you trust ♫ They’re all okay with us ♫ Sing Merry Merry Merry Merry Christmas ♫ Merry Merry Merry Merry Christmas ♫ Here’s a message for all you atheists ♫ Maybe there’s nothing after this ♫ But we love Santa Claus ♫ We love Santa Claus ♫ And exchanging gifts ♫ It’s okay if you believe in science ♫ And when we die we all will turn to dust ♫ You might think were nuts ♫ But that’s alright with us ♫ Sing Merry Merry Merry Merry Christmas ♫ Sing Merry Merry Merry Merry Christmas ♫ Merry Merry Merry Merry Christmas ♫ (bells)

 

5 Responses

  1. Gail Casalini

    December 23, 2014 4:07 pm

    This is great!  Thanks again Dorothy for helping kids and adults open their eyes and appreciate the religious beliefs of others.  Merry Christmas!

    Reply

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